WHERE THERE’S SMOKE, THERE’S FIRE.

PARTNERS-IN-CRIME:

DROP DEAD Gorgeous copy.

I write words that are so pretty, they'll make your soon-to-be customers trip over themselves like it’s 1954 and Marilyn Monroe just stepped into the room.

TALK DIRTY TO ME.

True fucking story.

Seven years ago, a Belarusian angel investor—rumored to be in cahoots with the last dictator of Europe—asked my twenty-two-year-old self to fly out to Minsk, Belarus and sling some ink for the startups in his portfolio.

At the time, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

But, I played my best Don Draper, wrote some damn good copy and three weeks later cashed the biggest check I had ever seen in my life.

I’ve been writing advertising ever since.

To date, I’ve penned words that have sold $150 cookies, plant-based burgers, overpriced sneakers, stationary bikes, sweatpants that look like jeans, emeralds, flavored lubricants, psilocybin-infused chocolate, software (lots of fucking software), Swiss Gin, Kentucky Bourbon and Southern California Wine.

God-speed,
‍
Cole Schafer
Founder of Honey Copy

BRACE

YOURSELF.

DEAR PHOTOGRAPHERS,YOU ARE CELEBRATED TODAY IN THIS LITTLE VIRTUAL PHOTOGRAPHIC GALLERY.

It's a madhouse over here.

Not actually. I turn around all of my projects within seven business days and tend to any revisions your picky little heart desires within two. Here’s how my process looks from start to finish…

Get in bed.

STEP 1: The Rendezvous

You tell me what you want and then I tell you how much it’s going to set you back. We haggle it out like a pair of spice merchants pedaling saffron in an ancient Babylonian Bazaar.

When we both feel like we aren’t getting f*cked, we schedule a 45-minute kick-off call where I get to know you and your brand better than your goddamn therapist.

STEP 2: The Silence

You leave me alone for a week. Why? Because I have an unspoken agreement with my muse that as long as I say my prayers, limit my alcohol intake and sit down at my writing desk each and every day—uninterrupted by nosey-ass clients—she will keep whispering in my ear.

STEP 3: The Exhibition

You and I schedule another call where I present the copy to you with as much flair as Dennis Rodman on The Bulls circa 1996. If you want me to show up and present the copy to you in person, that’s fine too. But, I fly first-class and I’m not punching my own ticket. So Zoom is a hell of a lot cheaper.

STEP 4: The Alteration

You “circle the wagons” with your band of in-house creative misfits and put together a list of edits you’d like to see made. I try to do my best not to be an asshole about tending to those edits. Barring holidays, hangovers, seasonal depression and global catastrophes, I usually get your revised copy back within 48-hours.

samples—Try not to lick them.

La Carte Du Jour:

Services

Landing Pages
About Us Pages
Origin Stories
Slogans & Taglines
Names & Descriptions
Brand Guidelines

UX Copywriting
Video Scripts
Podcast Reads
Paid Advertisements
Messaging Work
Sales Decks

"F*CK YOU — I'll JUST DIY IT"

If you’re a pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of guy, you can enroll in Snow Cones. It’s a short, punchy, ridiculously-sweet guide that’ll teach you how to sell like hell with pretty words…

TAKE THE COURSe.

You've got questions, I've got answers.

How much do your projects normally run?

It depends entirely on the scope of the project but pricing can vary between the cost of a Vespa scooter and a used 1989 Range Rover Classic.

Why don’t I just hire another copywriter?

If you can find another copywriter that writes anything close to what you’ve seen on this page, be my guest.

Do you insist on cursing in everything you write?

Hell no! In all seriousness, while all the copy I write is chalked full of originality, I only swear if the brand I’m working with wants me to swear. Otherwise, I’ll be so well-behaved you’ll think I’m the second coming of Mr. Rogers.

How quickly will I receive my copy?

From start to finish, my projects run approximately 10 days. The first round of copy is turned around in seven days. The final round of copy is turned around in two days. I add in a one day buffer for any unexpected clusterfucks. If your project is as enormous as a bull elephant, then this turn-around doesn’t apply.

Do you offer free trials?

If you want free samples, take a stroll through a food court.

Who are the copywriters?

Believe it or not, Honey Copy is a one-man show run by this gent.

When do I pay?

Like a Michelin-star chef, I don’t ask you to pay your tab until the end of the meal, when you're wine-drunk and you’re sitting as fat and happy as a tick on the back of a dog’s ear.

Where do you write and deliver the copy?

All copy is written in Google Docs and delivered via email.