DROP DEAD Gorgeous copy.
I write words that are so pretty, they'll make your soon-to-be customers trip over themselves like it’s 1954 and Marilyn Monroe just stepped into the room.
True fucking story.
Seven years ago, a Belarusian angel investor—rumored to be in cahoots with the last dictator of Europe—asked my twenty-two-year-old self to fly out to Minsk, Belarus and sling some ink for the startups in his portfolio.
At the time, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
But, I played my best Don Draper, wrote some damn good copy and three weeks later cashed the biggest check I had ever seen in my life.
I’ve been writing advertising ever since.
To date, I’ve penned words that have sold $150 cookies, plant-based burgers, overpriced sneakers, stationary bikes, sweatpants that look like jeans, emeralds, flavored lubricants, psilocybin-infused chocolate, software (lots of fucking software), Swiss Gin, Kentucky Bourbon and Southern California Wine.
Founder of Honey Copy
DEAR PHOTOGRAPHERS,YOU ARE CELEBRATED TODAY IN THIS LITTLE VIRTUAL PHOTOGRAPHIC GALLERY.
It's a madhouse over here.
STEP 1: The Rendezvous
When we both feel like we aren’t getting f*cked, we schedule a 45-minute kick-off call where I get to know you and your brand better than your goddamn therapist.
STEP 2: The Silence
STEP 3: The Exhibition
STEP 4: The Alteration
samples—Try not to lick them.
La Carte Du Jour:
About Us Pages
Slogans & Taglines
Names & Descriptions
"F*CK YOU — I'll JUST DIY IT"
If you’re a pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of guy, you can enroll in Snow Cones. It’s a short, punchy, ridiculously-sweet guide that’ll teach you how to sell like hell with pretty words…
You've got questions, I've got answers.
How much do your projects normally run?
It depends entirely on the scope of the project but pricing can vary between the cost of a Vespa scooter and a used 1989 Range Rover Classic.
Why don’t I just hire another copywriter?
If you can find another copywriter that writes anything close to what you’ve seen on this page, be my guest.
Do you insist on cursing in everything you write?
Hell no! In all seriousness, while all the copy I write is chalked full of originality, I only swear if the brand I’m working with wants me to swear. Otherwise, I’ll be so well-behaved you’ll think I’m the second coming of Mr. Rogers.
How quickly will I receive my copy?
From start to finish, my projects run approximately 10 days. The first round of copy is turned around in seven days. The final round of copy is turned around in two days. I add in a one day buffer for any unexpected clusterfucks. If your project is as enormous as a bull elephant, then this turn-around doesn’t apply.
Do you offer free trials?
If you want free samples, take a stroll through a food court.
Who are the copywriters?
Believe it or not, Honey Copy is a one-man show run by this gent.
When do I pay?
Like a Michelin-star chef, I don’t ask you to pay your tab until the end of the meal, when you're wine-drunk and you’re sitting as fat and happy as a tick on the back of a dog’s ear.
Where do you write and deliver the copy?
All copy is written in Google Docs and delivered via email.